How and Why to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On: July 6, 2026

Do you struggle with yelling at your children? Have you ever wondered the questions below?

Is it okay to yell at my kids?
Is it bad for my kids if I yell at them?
Why shouldn’t I yell at my kids?
How do I stop yelling at my kids?

If you are searching for answers and solutions, you are in the right place. As you read Jenny Phillips’s powerful advice, you’ll come to learn this simple yet profound truth: kind words can transform lives.

Father with his arms around his two sons on a couch smiling | The Good and the Beautiful

Tips for How to Stop Yelling At Your Kids

Actionable tips

Find something else to do instead of yelling, whether it’s singing, dancing, clapping—you name it!
Allow yourself to take time to decompress. A calm parent encourages a calm home.
Remind yourself of the purpose of parenthood—to nurture and care for the beautiful children God has gifted you.
Make a yelling-avoidance plan; decide how you are going to manage your anger before you get riled up.
Model healthy management of emotions; when your kids see you practicing mindful habits, they will follow your example.
Be open and honest with your children; explain what you’ve done wrong and how you are planning to improve.
Know that it’s okay to leave tasks undone sometimes; your relationship with your children should be your priority.
Nourish your body, mind, and spirit through prayer, Bible study, time in nature, and exercise.

Hi, I’m Jenny Phillips, founder of The Good and the Beautiful. Using gentle persuasion and avoiding yelling with my children is something that I have deeply studied and practiced. I am passionate about sharing what I have learned because it makes all the difference in the success of parenting. In this blog post, I share strategies and insights about how—and why—to stop yelling at your kids. Learn about the importance of gently communicating with your children and how small changes can bring trust, love, and peace into your home.

“Gentle persuasion . . . makes all the difference in the success of parenting.”

–Jenny Phillips

A Heart-Wrenching Experience
Once, at a neighborhood meeting, I heard some mothers making light of yelling at their kids. One mom said, “Sorry if you hear me yelling at my kids from across the street, but believe me, they deserve it!” The reply from the other mom was, “Ha ha, you probably hear me yelling too.” Other moms started making fun of how much they yell at their kids as well.
Once you have really committed your soul to seeing how precious our children are, it hurts to think of them being yelled at, put down, and criticized.

That exchange really hurt my heart. It actually made me go home and cry. Once you have really committed your soul to seeing how precious our children are, it hurts to think of them being yelled at, put down, and criticized. I came home from that meeting and actually wrote down these lyrics to a song.

I always have the choice

To be gentle and to praise,

Or to find fault and complain.

I show my heart by the things I say.

May the words I speak be filled with kindness,

May my manner of speech be cheerful and clean,

May my voice be a light that lifts people higher,

May I bring hope and love and trust,

May I bring peace

By the way I speak.

Yelling Is Not Only Ineffective, It Is Detrimental

Now, if you find yourself yelling or putting down your children, you are in the same boat as most parents. I want to share a quote from an article that I have linked below:

“Almost every parent yells at their child eventually, no matter how hard they try to stay calm. The best, most well-intentioned parents lose it from time to time . . . When those moments are uncommon, they probably won’t leave lasting damage to your relationship with your child, especially if you apologize for overreacting . . . But . . . children who are constantly yelled at by their parents are more likely to develop behavioral problems, low self-esteem, and depression.”

I will add my observation: Yelling at your children is one of the least effective ways to change their behavior.

Why Yelling at Your Kids Is Not Effective

Some people feel that yelling at their children is the only way to get through to them. It might make your child do what you want them to do in that moment, but it’s only because they feel scared or threatened. We don’t really have any true influence over a child if they only do what we ask because they are scared. Also, children that are yelled at consistently can tend to tune out, listen less, and start responding more aggressively or defiantly.

Yelling at Children Is Not a Light Matter

I hope you’ll find this blog post helpful and maybe even life-changing. One thing I hope you will take from it is to not joke around about how much you yell at your kids. It should be something that pierces your heart and moves you to the beautiful, sweet opportunity of repentance.

How to Avoid Yelling: My Techniques

First, I’ll just tell you about my experience. I have a lot of things to work on as a parent, as we all do, but not yelling at my kids is really important to me, so I chose long ago to sing instead of yell when I am frustrated. For example, I have sung these words to the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” instead of yelling: “Please don’t slam the door again, the door again, the door again. Please don’t slam the door again; it makes me very sad.”

I have also sung instead of yelled, “I asked you to do your math more than once, more than once. I asked you to do your math, and yet it is not done.”

You should try it too, even if you are not a singer. Or I have some other suggestions in this blog post.

Do Kids Really Prefer Singing Over Yelling?
So, do my kids like it when I sing? Not always. But not only does it calm me down, it defuses the situation. My children often smile at me and shake their heads like I am so goofy, and go off to do whatever I asked them to do. However, it does not always calm them down, and sometimes it really makes them mad. Sometimes they respond with, “I hate it when you sing like that!” And then I just sing, “Would you rather have me yell or sing, yell or sing, yell or sing? If you could choose just one thing, would it be to yell or sing?”
One of my children told me once, “Oh, don’t tell other parents to sing when they are mad!” I asked the child, “If a parent yells at their children, would you rather have them sing like me or yell?” With serious eyes, my child replied to me, “Yes, you are right. You should tell them to sing.”

Find Techniques That Work for You

Maybe this works so well for me because I’m a singer. So find the thing that you do instead of yelling. You can make up an I’m-So-Angry dance or a clapping routine. For example, two claps on the table, two claps with hands, one clap on the table, and two snaps, and repeat until anger subsides. Just try to do a little dance or clapping routine and remain angry!

One of our senior directors said, “I use a robot voice instead of yelling. I say, ‘I’m a robot. Robot says to put your shoes in the closet. Beep beep bop.’”

Take Time to Decompress

You can also simply choose to leave the room. Or, every time you feel you are going to yell, you could close your eyes and say a little prayer. Or, you can memorize and recite a poem like this one. I actually wrote it when I had a really hard baby, and I would repeat it aloud all the time, and it kept me patient.

There’s a child in my house,
How blessed could I be
There’s a child in my house,
I’ll act as if God is next to me.

Mother and son smiling at each other | The Good and the Beautiful

Repeat until anger subsides.

Or, you could simply try:

Walk away, walk away,
Yelling is not the right way.
Yelling is wrong, I don’t feel like singing a song.
But I’ll walk away, walk away, walk away.

Reminder: Nurture

Another mother once told me, “When I had a household of littles and one who screamed for 12 hours a day, I wrote the word ‘nurture’ on a piece of paper and kept it in my pocket. When I felt like I was going to burst, I’d pull out the paper and read that word. Eventually, I just pictured the word ‘nurture’ in my mind. I still do when I’m stressed with the kids.”

Make a Yelling-Avoidance Plan

So what are you going to do instead of yelling? If you don’t decide beforehand, the emotions that cause the yelling will overtake you. So come up with a plan. What will you do instead of yelling every time? Doing that over and over and over will make that become the habit, not yelling. You will slip up and you will not be perfect, but if you persist, you will see change.

Model Healthy Management of Emotions

It’s wonderful to have your children see you using techniques to control your anger, even if they don’t always work to change your child’s behavior. Your child might roll their eyes and say, “Mom’s doing her clapping routine again.” Nevertheless, you are modeling for them not that you are perfect, but that you are intentionally using techniques and tools to become better. They will learn so much from that example, and probably model it one day. And I know your children will secretly love you for your efforts and draw closer to you because of them.

Mother and daughter talking openly, honestly, and lovingly | The Good and the Beautiful

Be Open and Honest with Your Children

If you have a habit of yelling, consider sitting down with your children for a family meeting. Explain to them that you have gotten into a bad habit of yelling, and that is not okay, because your children are precious to you. Ask for their forgiveness. Explain that you’re going to be working on breaking the habit, and even tell them the techniques you’re going to try.

Being honest with your children about your shortcomings and talking to them about ways you are trying to improve and what you are learning is a beautiful and very powerful way to teach your children.

Mother and daughter talking openly, honestly, lovingly | The Good and the Beautiful

It’s Okay to Leave Tasks Undone

One thing that can really help break the habit of yelling is the idea that you do not have to discipline or teach your children right at that moment, unless they are in immediate danger. You are likely yelling because they did something wrong or you want them to do something. But it’s okay to just leave and not correct the behavior or to not have them do what you want them to do. It is better that your child leave his math assignment undone for the time being than yelling at them to get it done. It is better that your child miss soccer practice than yelling at them to get in the car right at that moment.

Mother praying | The Good and the Beautiful

Identify Your Yelling Triggers

The last thing I want to say is it can be really helpful to get to the root of why you yell. It’s just a learned habit for some people because that’s the way they grew up. Habits can be broken with intentional effort—not just desiring to change, but intentional planning of how you will change. Make a plan. See what works. Adjust as needed. Ask God’s forgiveness. He is the changer of hearts. If you seek help, He will show you the way to change and lead you along.

Father and daughter hugging | The Good and the Beautiful

Nourish Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Another reason you might yell could be because you are really unhappy with your own life, or you are not spiritually nourished. I truly believe that impatience with other people is a sign of spiritual undernourishment. It is also so important to take time each day to connect with God in nature because it helps nourish and calm our souls, giving us the emotional resiliency to show up in new ways when we’re dealing with challenging situations. Exercising can also really help us reduce stress.

Kind Words Transform Lives

Your committed journey to stop yelling will fundamentally change your own life. You will likely never be perfect and have times when you still yell, but it is possible to make them the exceptions. I will leave you with a portion of this song that I wrote while thinking about the precious children and people around me.

By The Way I Speak

By Jenny Phillips

My words hold the power
To lift up and to save
or to put down and degrade.
I am shaped by the things I say.
May the words I speak
be filled with kindness,
May my manner of speech
be cheerful and clean.
May my voice be a light
that lifts people higher.
May I bring hope and love and trust.
May I bring peace
by the way I speak.

Click this link to listen to the full song.