Should You Leave Bullied Children in School?

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On:

Recently, I have heard a couple different people say that they felt homeschoolers were at a disadvantage because they wouldn’t learn how to deal with bullies at school. This brings up the questions “Don’t kids need to face things like bullying to become stronger?” and “Should bullied kids be left in school so they can learn how to work out their problems?” This insightful blog post will help you know how to respond if others ask you these questions.

What builds true strength in children?

  • Strong and healthy relationships with adults
  • Safe and protected environments 
  • Faith-building habits
  • Hard work
  • Opportunities to be creative
  • Problem-solving 
  • Age-appropriate risks and choices
  • Time to pursue their talents and passions

Should You Leave a Bullied Child in School?

Today I have a short post, but I feel this message is extremely important. Recently, I’ve heard a couple different people say that they felt homeschoolers were at a disadvantage because they wouldn’t learn how to deal with bullies at school, and it brings up the question, “Does bullying make children stronger?” Should we leave children in bullying situations so that they learn how to work through it and deal with bullies? 

Bullying is Child Abuse

Studies show that bullying can have a massive damaging effect on children, damage that can even last a lifetime. I’ve actually linked a bunch of studies and articles at the end of this post that explain that bullying is actually a form of child abuse.

Bullying is Not an Effective Method to Teach Resilience

Simply and directly put, the National Foundation to End Child Abuse and Neglect explains: “Being bullied isn’t an effective way for children to learn how to be tough or resilient. Research shows that children who are victims of bullying can have the same long-term effect of other forms of child abuse.”

Bullying Damages Mental Health

A study published in The Lancet Psychiatry reports that children who were bullied by peers had significant mental-health problems as adults—and this is what’s interesting—even more than children who were mistreated by their parents or caregivers.

  • How Can Children Gain Strength and Become Resilient?

    So how can children gain strength? How do they become resilient? How do they learn to manage adversity? Children do not have to face bullying to become strong. That is like saying that child abuse makes children stronger. Just as we would protect a child from abuse, we should protect them and rescue them from bullying situations. Facing harshness and meanness and unkindness is not what creates strength in children.

  • A mother cuddling with her school-aged daughter on the couch | The Good and the Beautiful

What Leads to Stability and Strength

Strength and resilience come from strong and healthy relationships with adults. It comes from being in healthy environments where children feel protected and safe. It comes from strengthening faith, from learning to work hard and be creative and problem solve, and from allowing appropriate risks and choices when the child has the emotional and spiritual maturity, discernment, and strength for that risk or choice.

  • A school-aged boy fist bumping his dad | The Good and the Beautiful
  • A young girl kneeling and praying with her eyes closed over an open bible | The Good and the Beautiful
  • A school-aged boy coloring in a notebook with his dad | The Good and the Beautiful

Our Obligation to Protect

If you ever wonder if bullying is okay for your child, if they will make it out stronger in the end, please remember that bullying is abuse, and study after study after study shows that bullying can result in massive lifetime damage to children, or worse. Not only is it okay to pull children out of bullying situations, it is our obligation as adults to do so. Showing our children how to set a boundary and walk away from a harmful, unhealthy situation not only helps our children now, but it teaches them how to walk away from unhealthy situations in their adult years.

If you are interested in reading more about this topic, check out my post “Are Homeschoolers Too Sheltered?” It addresses the question “Does homeschool prepare children enough to face the world?”

Conclusion

I hope the information I shared today was helpful for you personally and will also be helpful as you support and encourage other parents in trying to figure out how to navigate this difficult world we live in.

May you be blessed in your efforts to raise your children in light and beauty.

For more information about bullying, check out these articles and resources:

Frequently Asked Questions About Bullying

Can children handle bullying on their own?

Many reputable studies linked in this post show that bullying can have a damaging effect on children—damage that can last a lifetime and is actually a form of child abuse. It is a parent’s obligation to protect children. Showing children how to set a boundary and walk away from a harmful, unhealthy situation not only helps children now, but it teaches them how to walk away from unhealthy situations in their adult years.

If you are interested in reading more about this topic, check out my post Are Homeschoolers Too Sheltered? It addresses the question “Does homeschool prepare children enough to face the world?”

How do I respond to those who say bullying makes a child stronger?

Bullying can have a damaging effect on children that can last a lifetime.

  • The National Foundation to End Child Abuse and Neglect explains: “Being bullied isn’t an effective way for children to learn how to be tough or resilient. Research shows that children who are victims of bullying can have the same long-term effect of other forms of child abuse.” 

Strength and resilience come from strong, healthy relationships and environments.

  • True strength and resilience in children comes from strong and healthy relationships with adults. It comes from being in healthy environments where children feel protected and safe. It comes from strengthening faith, from learning to work hard and be creative and problem solve, and from allowing appropriate risks and choices when the child has the emotional and spiritual maturity, discernment, and strength for that risk or choice.

Adults have an obligation to remove children from bullying situations and to teach them healthy boundaries.

  • Studies show that bullying can result in lifetime damage to children, or worse. Not only is it okay to pull children out of bullying situations, it is our obligation as adults to do so. Showing our children how to set a boundary and walk away from a harmful, unhealthy situation not only helps our children now, but it teaches them how to walk away from unhealthy situations in their adult years.

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