Reducing Resistance in Homeschool

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On:

What do you do when your child resists a particular assignment or a subject in homeschool? Or what if your child won’t learn from you and resists homeschool altogether? This hopeful video and blog post gives practical, effective tips that can bring peace and joy into your homeschool and heal and strengthen your relationships with your children.

Can I homeschool my child if they don’t listen and they resist learning?

Yes! Many parents experience some level of resistance from their children when it comes to listening and learning. It takes persistence, patience, and time, but homeschooling offers the beautiful opportunity to truly figure out your children’s behavior problems and build a wonderful relationship where your child will listen to you, where your child will learn from you, where you will be your child’s greatest friend and greatest influence.

What do I do if my child resists doing schoolwork?

What do you do when your child hates doing a particular assignment or really does not enjoy one part of a course that you’re doing in homeschool?

This is a question that nearly every homeschool parent has probably asked themselves at one time or another.

First, resistance happens at different levels. If you have a child who never listens to you and is very resistant to pretty much everything, you might not think you can even homeschool that child, or you might be thinking of giving up on homeschooling. And if you feel like you should homeschool, but your child’s behavior is very difficult, I have some encouragement and tips that can help you and your child. 

What if my child never listens?

A child who never listens to you is an indication of a relationship and behaviors that need attention. Sending the child to school to avoid the problems often makes the problems and the relationship worse. I have had a couple of very resistant children who were initially so hard to homeschool. It took so much persistence, patience, and time to figure out how to create a beautiful relationship and positive behaviors with these children, but it worked. It happened! Homeschooling offers the beautiful opportunity to truly figure out your children’s behavior problems and build a wonderful relationship where your child will listen to you, where your child will learn from you, where you will be your child’s greatest friend and greatest influence.

Trial and Error and Time

If your child is extremely resistant, it will take a lot of studying and learning, trial and error, and a lot of time and patience. It will require your commitment, but it is worth it. I am more toward the end of parenting young children, and as my kids are currently 23, 21, 17, 13, and 10, I will tell you that nothing that I have ever done has been more fulfilling and meaningful than building beautiful behaviors and relationships with my children. It is worth any effort.

This information is more for parents who have children who are sometimes resistant to certain assignments and subjects. If your child is completely resistant to your guidance and homeschooling in general, this information will help, but there is a lot more to fixing that behavior, including evaluating major underlying problems, such as too much screen time, behaviors affected by unhelpful media, books, and friends, or needing to work on your parenting style and approach with a child (which can be hard to admit and work through). I went through that myself, but it is a blessed journey that will change not only the child, but you. 

The blessing of figuring out how to parent your child and to create beautiful behaviors and relationships with them is one of the greatest things you can ever accomplish in your life. I hope to share more on this topic in the future.

Identify the causes of resistant behavior:

  • Is the child allowed too much screen time?
  • Is the child watching or listening to music, shows, or movies that negatively impact their character?
  • Does the child have friends who are influencing them negatively?
  • Is the child choosing good books to read?
  • Are there parenting techniques that need to be changed?
  • Is there something medical that needs to be addressed?
A child sitting at a desk while hiding their face behind an open notebook | The Good and the Beautiful

What To Do When a Child Becomes Resistant to an Assignment or Subject

1. Adapt learning to your child’s specific needs and interests.

One of the blessings of homeschooling is that you can adapt learning to your child’s specific needs and interests. You don’t have to follow the curriculum exactly as written. You can make adaptations for your own child. However, it is also important to remember that children need to learn how to do hard things and to do things they don’t want to do, and they also need to learn important skills like writing, spelling, and math. These things really do not happen through osmosis; they do take intentional work.

A school-aged boy looking at a notebook with his hands on his temples and shoulders on the table | The Good and the Beautiful

Along with teaching your child academics, you are also teaching them life skills, such as learning how to do hard things and learning how to do an assignment that they don’t love with a good attitude—they might find that they actually really do love the subject and the assignment—and learning how to follow instructions in a course book.

2. Talk about the child’s struggles and make adjustments.

If your child is resistant to a subject or assignment, find out in a loving way why your child is struggling with the assignment. Your child might not even know, so you might have to do a little bit of prompting and questioning to get down to the heart of it. And I really recommend not doing that until your child is calm and happy. Definitely approach your conversation as if you are sincerely interested in understanding them, rather than that you are frustrated and disappointed in them. Once you understand, include your child as you come up with a solution. This will teach them the life skill of learning how to come up with ideas to solve problems and to work through hard things in life.

For example, if they don’t like a writing assignment, determine if it is every writing assignment that they don’t like, or is it just this particular writing assignment? Does it matter if they are writing on the assigned topic or not? That is something you have to decide.

A school-aged boy writing in a notebook with his arm supporting his head and his mom looking at him while rubbing his shoulder | The Good and the Beautiful

Maybe you say that sometimes they do have to write about things that they don’t like, and sometimes they can adapt the assignment. Maybe you say that they will need to do one writing assignment in the whole course book just how it is written, but for the rest of them, they can write on a different topic, whatever interests them. Or maybe they’re allowed to adapt their writing to their own interest every other writing assignment.

3. Compromise, adapt, and find ways to make it more enjoyable.

If the child doesn’t like writing any assignments, try to find out what the reason is. Do they not like handwriting? Maybe they can dictate the assignment to you and do oral narration while you type it out, and then you gradually have them do some of the writing, like writing the first line and, later, the first paragraph, while you do the rest. Do they need to have it broken into little pieces? Do they just need a little break, or to break it out over multiple days? Would they like you to start it, and then maybe they finish it? Or maybe you each do every other paragraph. These kinds of compromises are fine, as long as the child is learning and growing.

However, I personally feel that it’s important that we don’t just let our children compromise on everything, because it’s just not how life works. It is wonderful to teach them skills through working through hard things, and it may not lead to the very best education and life skills if we always compromise.

Imagine that a child doesn’t like spelling dictation, and they don’t like their handwriting course, but those are both things that you feel like they really need to do. Rather than compromising, sometimes you sit down with them and ask them to help you come up with a plan on how to make it more enjoyable for them. Maybe there’s a reward system. Maybe you need to get scented markers for them to use for their spelling. Maybe they get to have a healthy snack and drink while they do their handwriting and listen to their favorite music. Maybe do it in a fun space or have them wrap up in a cozy blanket and choose a stuffed animal to sit with them.

Patience, Persistence, and Problem-Solving

Every child is going to show some resistance to some things while learning, and the solution is going to be different for every child. The keys are finding out the solution with love, genuine concern, and patience, so modeling patience and problem-solving to your children is one of the best things you can do to make homeschooling successful and joyful. Including the child in developing a compromise or a solution to improve will bless their entire lives. Just remember that some of those things will require patience, persistence, and continual problem-solving, but persist in gentle persuasion and in love.

Final Tip: Know the Child’s Best Time of Day

One last tip is to try to not make your child do the hardest things for them when they are tired or not having a great day.

Key Takeaways to Reducing Resistance in Homeschooling:

  • Observe and talk about your child’s behavior with them to determine why your child resists.
  • Make adaptations to tasks and assignments with your child’s input so they experience success.
  • Be patient and understanding, offering the child support.
  • Adjust learning time to fit the child’s best time of day.
  • Persist and problem-solve.
A school-aged boy writing in a notebook while giving his mom a high-five | The Good and the Beautiful

I hope this post and video were helpful, and I hope you will share it with others who say they can’t homeschool or they want to give up because they have a difficult child. I love sharing ideas for making homeschooling easier because I know how homeschooling changes families and changes lives.

I look forward to talking to you again!

Other blog posts that offer helpful tips on reducing resistance in homeschooling are found below:

Frequently Asked Questions About Reducing Resistance in Homeschool

Can I homeschool my child if they don’t listen and they resist learning?

Yes! Many parents experience some level of resistance from their children when it comes to listening and learning. 

It takes persistence, patience, and time, but homeschooling offers the beautiful opportunity to truly figure out your children’s behavior problems and build a wonderful relationship where your child will listen to you, where your child will learn from you, where you will be your child’s greatest friend and greatest influence.

What should I do when my child resists doing schoolwork?

If your child resists doing their schoolwork, do these three things:

  1. Adapt learning to your child’s specific needs and interests
  2. Talk about the child’s struggles and make adjustments
  3. Compromise, adapt, and find ways to make homeschooling more enjoyable. 

If your child is extremely resistant, it will take a lot of studying and learning, trial and error, and a lot of time and patience. It will require your commitment, but it is worth it.

What should I do when my child doesn’t listen to me?

If your child doesn’t listen to you, you should start by focusing on your relationship; a child who never listens to you is an indication of a relationship and behaviors that need attention. Sending the child to school to avoid the problems often makes the problems and the relationship worse.

Why is my child resisting homeschool learning?

If your child is resisting homeschool learning, there is likely an underlying issue, whether its negative influences impacting your children or health issues that need to be addressed. If your child is struggling with homeschool, ask yourself these questions:

  • Is the child allowed too much screen time? 
  • Is the child watching or listening to music, shows, or movies that negatively impact their character?
  • Does the child have friends who are influencing them negatively?
  • Is the child choosing good books to read?
  • Are there parenting techniques that need to be changed?

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