How to Have Fewer Meltdowns in Homeschool

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On: August 26, 2026

Find insights into why children have meltdowns and how you can help your child feel less anxious and overwhelmed. In this video and blog post, Jenny Phillips shares tangible ideas you can use to help your child address their feelings and behaviors.

Can I homeschool my child if they have big emotions, sensitivities, meltdowns, or tantrums?

Yes! Homeschooling gives parents the time and opportunity to address causes and apply creative solutions to help their children work through these “lagging skills” described in this helpful video from Jenny Phillips.

What Are Lagging Skills?

Hello, and welcome to my little greenhouse today! It’s when I’m working here that I get the most ideas for these posts, so I hope you enjoy this one today. I’m going to be talking about lagging skills, or skills a child hasn’t fully developed yet.

When we talk about lagging skills, we are talking about repeated problems, not the child just being hungry or tired. Children can have meltdowns in homeschool because of lagging skills, and if we don’t recognize those lagging skills that are causing meltdowns, they just continue happening. This can apply to homeschooling or just parenting in general.

Addressing Lagging Skills in Your Child

So often, parents don’t feel that they can homeschool because their child won’t listen to them, has meltdowns, or is defiant. These behaviors may indicate lagging skills that can be identified and fixed. Homeschool allows you the time and the space to do that, but it does take time. Lagging skills are not fixed in a day, but so often, instead of fixing lagging skills and working on our relationship with our children, we give up or give in because we don’t know how to work with them. There is really no child who cannot learn from his or her parent if the parent is willing to go through a tremendous amount of work and patience. You’ll even find that your own character will be changing as you go through this process with your children.

I find so much symbolism in my greenhouse that applies to homeschool. I’m here with my rosemary plant that I’m very proud of. I have been able, in the past, to grow rosemary in the ground in my garden, but I had trouble keeping it alive in a pot. With a little bit of study and attention to this plant, I’ve realized that rosemary plants growing in the ground do not need fertilizer, but a potted plant of rosemary will run out of nutrients more quickly. So if I give it fertilizer after it flowers, it grows much better in a pot. This is symbolic of how we can help lagging skills in our children with some study and effort. It’s not that I just kept persisting and trying to grow rosemary; it’s that I stopped and studied, and I realized what needed to change in order to actually grow rosemary more effectively.

Tantrums and Meltdowns Are Different

Tantrums

Occasional outburst
Short lived
Usually triggered when a child wants something or is seeking attention
Child has some control over starting or ending a tantrum

Meltdowns

May occur more frequently or out of the blue
Triggered by sensory overload or anxiety
Child has difficulty expressing what they need or how they are feeling
Child needs guidance and a quiet place to de-escalate

How to Help Your Child When They Feel Overwhelmed

Let’s look at an example. A common lagging skill in children is feeling overwhelmed and not having the skills to handle feeling overwhelmed. If your child consistently melts down when you tell her to go clean her room, for example, you might get upset, threaten punishment, etc. If that continues to be a pattern, it will continue to be a battle and a source of stress until you address the underlying problem and fix the lagging skill. Instead of punishing or threatening or getting angry, try recognizing the lagging skill and creating a plan of action to fix it. It takes some time at first, but it is so worth it. This is how I suggest going about fixing lagging skills.

1. Identify the Lagging Skill

First, identify the lagging skills, such as the child not knowing how to handle feelings of overwhelm, or the child hasn’t developed the motor skills needed for long pieces of writing, or the child hasn’t learned how to express if they don’t understand something, and so on.

2. Calm the Child

In the case of cleaning a bedroom, the child might feel overwhelmed or stuck, or the child doesn’t understand what kind of cleaning the parent wants. Is it just picking stuff off the floor, or vacuuming, etc.? So, number two is to help the child calm down.

I suggest not trying to teach or fix an issue when the child is upset, ever. Develop the ability to calm yourself and the child first. To do this, you might use humor or, for example, go sit by your child and pick up a stuffed animal, saying something funny.

Just yesterday, actually, I did this with my totally out-of-control son. I took the nearest thing to me, which was a stuffed koala bear, and said in a silly voice, “Are you a eucalyptus tree? Let me see!” And then I held the koala bear to my son’s arm, acting as if it was eating my son’s arm, and the koala bear then said, “That’s the grossest eucalyptus tree I’ve ever tasted!” And it worked. The tantrum was calmed down.

You also might use acts of service, rubbing the child’s back, giving the child a foot bath, reading them a book, getting them a snack, and so on, or just letting the child go to another place to calm down. And it might not be until later in the day or the next day that you talk to the child about the issue.

Ideas for Calming a Child

Remove distractions
Redirect attention
Move them to a quiet room
Read to them
Get them a snack
Give them a foot bath
Rub their back
Play quiet music
Dim the lights
Remain calm yourself

A school-aged boy sitting on a couch with his face in his knees as his mom sits next to him holding his arm | The Good and the Beautiful

3. Listen to the Child

Once the child is calm, be gentle, understanding, and validating. As often as you can, emphasize that you are listening to them and that you are their best support and friend, not their enemy. You might say, “I can see how cleaning a whole room can feel overwhelming. I used to feel that way when I was a kid.” Or, “I can see how cleaning a whole room by yourself might feel really difficult.”

4. Talk About Solutions

Either offer the child suggestions or talk together and ask for their ideas as well. For example, ways to fix the lagging skill of feeling overwhelmed are to learn how to ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed and to break larger tasks into smaller parts.

I had an elementary-age son who always broke down when he had to clean his room. So, I started cleaning it with him, showing him how to break the enormous job of cleaning a room into small, easy tasks. I would say, “Okay, I think it’s fun to clean your room with you. So, as long as you’re working, I will work with you. If you aren’t working, I’ll have to leave until you’re ready to work with me. Why don’t you pick up all the clothes on the floor and put them in a pile while I make the bed?” Then I might say, “Great! Now go and gather all of your books and put them on your nightstand, while I start picking up the LEGO bricks.”

I did this with my child for weeks, and it honestly didn’t go perfectly at first, but it improved over time. Then I asked him to start assigning me the tasks, one for me and one for him, so that he could practice observing the mess and seeing how he could break it up himself, but I’m still helping him so he doesn’t get too overwhelmed. Eventually, he started cleaning his room by himself, and it worked until his room was an enormous mess again. A massive mess would cause him to break down again, so then I trained him to come and ask me for help whenever he felt overwhelmed. I told him I would help him every time, and that took a while for him to learn as well. But he got it! It took us about a year to get to that point. An entire year!

However, it’s beautiful and heartwarming because now he comes to me and says, “Mom, I’m overwhelmed with my room today. Can you help me?” He has learned to overcome lagging skills he has had, and not only does he clean his room now, but he has also gained the important skills that will help him throughout his life: knowing how to better handle other situations when he feels overwhelmed.

Learning this concept is vital for homeschool success, especially if your child struggles to behave and listen to you. Children who have learned good habits have a greater underlying sense of stability, calmness, confidence, and self-control.
Just like I took some time to learn about my rosemary and how to make it thrive, watching videos like this can literally change both you and your child’s lives. So, I will see you very soon! I am wishing you all the best in your homeschool journey. Believe in it, keep going. God gave you your child because you are the right teacher for that child, and you are a powerful, beautiful influence in their life.

Frequently Asked Questions About Preventing Meltdowns

Can I homeschool my child if they have big emotions, sensitivities, meltdowns, or tantrums?

Yes, you can! Homeschooling gives parents the time and opportunity to address causes and apply creative solutions to help their children work through “lagging skills.” There is really no child who cannot learn from his or her parent if the parent is willing to go through a tremendous amount of work and patience. You’ll even find that your own character will be changing as you go through this process with your children.

What are lagging skills?

Lagging skills are repeated problems, not issues that arise when the child is just hungry or tired. Meltdowns can be caused by lagging skills. If we don’t recognize a child’s lagging skills, meltdowns may continue to happen.

Examples of lagging skills in a child:

not knowing how to handle feelings of overwhelm
a lack of motor skills that leads to difficulty performing longer school tasks
not knowing how to express themself if they don’t understand a concept.

How can I fix my child’s lagging skills?

Four steps to helping your child when they feel overwhelmed:

Identify which skills are lagging. Why are they feeling this stress?
Help your child (and yourself) calm down. Try not to teach or fix an issue when the child is upset. Develop the ability to calm yourself and the child first.
Listen to your child. Once the child is calm, be gentle, understanding, and validating. As often as you can, emphasize that you are listening to them and that you are their best support and friend, not their enemy.
Talk about solutions. Offer the child suggestions and ask for their ideas as well. For example, ways to fix the lagging skill of feeling overwhelmed are to learn how to ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed and to break larger tasks into smaller parts.

How long does it take to fix lagging skills?

Lagging skills are not fixed in a day. So often, instead of fixing lagging skills and working on our relationship with our children, we give up or give in because we don’t know how to work with them. It takes time but a child can learn when a parent is willing to go through a tremendous amount of work and patience. You’ll even find that your own character will be changing as you go through this process with your children. So have hope and patience!

What is the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?

Tantrums are occasional outbursts that are short-lived, and are usually triggered when a child wants something or is seeking attention. Children have some control over starting or ending their tantrums.
On the other hand, meltdowns may occur more frequently or out of the blue than tantrums. Meltdowns are often triggered by a sensory overload or by anxiety. Often, children have difficulty expressing their needs and feelings during a meltdown. They often need guidance and a quiet place to de-escalate.