Why Homeschoolers Are So Socially Confident

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On:

You want your children to be socialized and well-rounded, but where do children learn good social skills? In this thoughtful blog post and video, Jenny Phillips presents expert opinions about socialization and why homeschooled kids tend to be socially confident.

Homeschooling Offers Great Socialization Benefits

Often when I tell people that my family homeschools, I hear things like, “Oh yeah, my neighbors homeschool and their children are amazing.” Or, “I’ve thought about homeschooling. I’m so impressed with the homeschooling families I’ve met.” 

Several years ago, though, when people heard I homeschooled, almost always their first question was about social concerns. I’m glad stereotypes are changing because homeschooling is actually a powerful way to mold respectful, confident, happy children, and social concerns should not keep you from homeschooling. 

Recently, I met a family with five children from ages 4 to 13 years old. I was so incredibly impressed with the children’s confidence, manners, and the light that was apparent in them that I turned to the mother and asked, “What do you do to raise children like this?” She smiled and said, “I homeschool them.” 

This made me smile because this was not the first time I had been impressed with homeschooled children. I have met a huge number of homeschooled families through the work that I do, and the children themselves are a testimony to the social blessings of homeschool.

Expert Opinions About Homeschool and Socialization

  • "Much of what we call 'socialization' in schools is actual peer pressure. Real social skills develop from interacting with people of all ages." – Dr. Raymond Moore

Many parents fear that their children will be socially awkward if they are not in a classroom with kids for hours a day. But this is not what makes socially adjusted kids if the definition of socially adjusted means a person can interact effectively, respectfully, and comfortably with others in a variety of social settings.

  • "In most cultures throughout history, children learned by watching and interacting with adults–not by isolating with large groups of same–age peers." – David Guterson
  • "Children who are homeschooled often develop maturity and social grace by regularly interacting with adults and younger children, rather than being locked into peer conformity." – Brian D. Ray

We must not forget historical figures that had amazing—even powerful—social skills even though they were homeschooled or mainly homeschooled, spending the vast majority of their childhood with their family: Thomas Jefferson, Florence Nightingale, William Penn, Daniel Webster, George Washington Carver, Beatrix Potter, James Madison, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Claude Monet, Winston Churchill, George Washington, Charles Dickens, C. S. Lewis, John Newton, Alexander Graham Bell, and many more.

Homeschoolers who have gone on to do great things:

  • US Presidents: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, James Madison
  • Authors and Artists: C. S. Lewis, Charles Dickens, Beatrix Potter, Claude Monet
  • Inventors: John Newton, George Washington Carver, Alexander Graham Bell
  • Leaders in their field: Benjamin Franklin, Winston Churchill, William Penn, Daniel Webster, Florence Nightingale
  • and many more.
Mount Rushmore | Four U.S. Presidents: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln, symbolizing America's birth, growth, development, and preservation

It is truly not being in a classroom with 30 other same-aged children a day that is required for good socialization. In fact, it can sometimes be harmful to developing good socialization.

What Is Socialization?

  • SOCIALIZATION: “A continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behaviors, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.”

  • When children are surrounded all day with large groups of peers, the tendency is to base personal identity on popularity, conformity, social media, physical body image, etc. Remember that social skills are learned at home and in families, which are where our skills also can be tested the most. We shouldn't forget that social skills don't just mean interactions outside of our family.

SOCIALIZATION:
“A continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behaviors, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.”

  • "I think the socializing aspects of school are ten times as likely to be harmful as helpful. The human virtues–kindness, patience, generosity, etc. are learned by children in intimate relationships, maybe groups of two or three. By and large, human beings tend to behave worse in large groups, like you find in school. There they learn something quite different–popularity, conformity, bullying, teasing, things like that. They can make friends after school hours, during vacations, at the library, in church."
  • "A Family member asked my wife, 'Aren't you concerned about [our son's] socialization with other kids?' My wife gave this response: 'Go to your local middle school, junior high, or high school, walk down the hallways, and tell me which behavior you see that you think our son should emulate.'" – Manfred B. Zysk

I once heard someone say, “Aren't homeschooled children like a plant grown in a greenhouse? And as soon as they are set outside, they just wither and fall over. Shouldn't we put our children in hard situations so they can grow from trials?” 

My answer to these questions is that it is hard to grow a healthy plant in the first place in toxic soil. Children need nutrient-rich soil as they grow—love, safety, the best of literature, truth, God, family. These things grow strong minds and hearts: minds and hearts strong enough to withstand the elements as they start to be set outside the greenhouse to be hardened off over time until they are ready to thrive outside, strong and healthy. 

Planting Seeds by Reading Good Books

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Opportunities for Socialization

It is important that homeschooled children, especially as they grow older, do have interactions with people outside their homes. Friendship and interaction are important, and some children naturally need more social experiences than others. There are so many amazing opportunities for homeschoolers out there to have mentors and teachers outside the home. But the great thing is, with homeschooling, you get to choose who those people are that influence your child. 

There are so many ways and opportunities for positive socialization outside of traditional school settings. If you feel homeschooling could be beneficial to your child, but you are worried about socialization, put that fear to rest. You can model good social skills for your child. Get them involved in activities outside the home and immerse them in books that model healthy socialization. For me and for many others, the positives of socialization for homeschooled children is one of the greatest blessings and results of homeschooling.

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