Setting Realistic Homeschool Expectations

Written By: The Good and the Beautiful Published On: December 9, 2025

How do you set expectations in homeschool that are healthy and realistic? In this blog post and video, Jenny Phillips gives tips and ideas that help alleviate stress and leave behind comparison. She also talks about the incredible “harvest” she is experiencing from years of homeschooling, even though her homeschool was quite imperfect.

Nurturing Children

It’s fall here, and this morning I’m working in my greenhouse. I’ve been planting these orange flowers. They are violas, and they remind me of my childhood. They actually smell really good as well!

As I have been working, I have been watching out the window the corn being harvested. Over the past several months, I have watched these fields, first seeing these tiny little sprouts, and then seeing the plants grow taller and taller. Slowly, over time, the fruit started growing on the corn and started to mature.

It just made me really think about the harvest that I’m experiencing with my children right now—the harvest I am reaping because of my work in homeschooling for years. It is incredible.

My 16-year-old daughter (at the time of filming) is my best friend. Our relationship is so strong and beautiful. She loves God. She has wisdom and discernment. She has strong moral standards, and she actually thanks me for homeschooling her and tells me what an impact it has on her. She is not confused or caught up in the things of the world, and she is confident in her faith.

I could go over the harvest I’m seeing in each one of my children from homeschooling, but the point that I was thinking about this morning is that I was such an imperfect homeschool mother. There were tears and lots of praying and adjusting and figuring things out, and there were many days that just felt boring, dull, and hard. But the harvest is there!

Our homeschools do not have to be perfect for us to reap a beautiful harvest. I think too many homeschool parents give up or feel overwhelmed because they set their expectations too high. It’s in the small things that add up over time in homeschool: each beautiful book, each poem, each painting that the child observes, each little lesson about good character in the curriculum, each struggle we work through, each little discussion in history, every little connection we make with God and this world that He created, every discovery in science, and the relationships that are being built—slowly, slowly over time. And it all happens . . . amidst imperfection.

When setting expectations, many homeschool parents wonder, “How do I know if I am doing enough?” That’s a good and healthy question to ask, because we should feel responsible for helping our children reach their full potential and to be ready for the rest of their lives. Look for a separate video on that topic coming soon.

Tips for Setting Realistic Homeschool Expectations

1. Be flexible for life events.

When you have a new baby, or you are moving, or there is sickness in your family, or you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, or just feeling overwhelmed with homeschool, it’s okay and actually good to set different expectations during that time.

Rather than feeling defeated that you aren’t doing a good job, just decide that a good job is x, y, and z—and that’s achievable during that time, even if you are not doing everything you want to be doing. Pray and find out what is most important. Figure out how to best utilize your time. Decide how and when x, y, and z can be achieved with your schedule.

Even during times of stress, have an actual plan, and of course, it should be flexible. But structure gives us a feeling of peace and calm, and it helps us to actually get things done, which helps us feel less guilty. In times of stress, having a simple plan that is easy and achievable can really help, rather than just surviving the chaos. Your plan doesn’t have to be a schedule. It can simply be a short list of what you will accomplish that day when your schedule allows it.

In times of stress, you might need to spread things out and do much less each day, but also do a little school on Saturdays, or 30 minutes right before bed, or simply spread things out throughout the summer. Maybe you do math and language arts on alternate days, but you do it Monday through Saturday and some in the summer. Or there are many other ways that you can change things up. But it’s okay not to have the perfect homeschool. Your kids need to learn, but they don’t have to be doing elaborate activities, or extensive science experiments, or taking these huge steps every day. It’s actually small, consistent steps that add up over time. You can pull back to smaller pieces of learning and be okay. It can be just as meaningful and effective, and you don’t need to expect to see all the results so quickly.

2. Set realistic expectations.

Be careful not to expect too much and be okay with what is enough, not what is perfect. For example, if you want to make really nice meals for your family but realistically, you can’t do that all of the time, you're going to be frustrated when you don’t meet that expectation. What you can do is set a different expectation ahead of time. For example, you could decide, “Three times a week, I’m going to make a nice meal, and the other days of the week we will have leftovers or do quick, easy meals.” When you make that decision ahead of time, you can feel good about when you meet your achievable goal, having three nice meals a week, and you don't have to feel bad about having quick meals on the other days because that is what you planned.

In homeschool, you can do the same thing. Maybe you get stressed by trying to go on a field trip every week with your kids. Decide that your expectation will be one field trip a month or just one a semester. When you make that achievable goal, you feel good about meeting it and don’t feel bad about not going every week because you decided ahead of time that that was your expectation. Find expectations that you were not meeting. Then find a way to adjust that expectation to something that is achievable.

3. Don’t compare expectations.

Avoid setting expectations based on what kids are doing in public school or what other homeschool families are doing. The beauty of homeschooling is that your family is not in public school. You have the freedom to use prayer and your own values and priorities to decide when and how you do things. It can also be easy to compare yourself or your kids to other homeschool families, but every family truly is unique. The pictures and videos of homeschooling you see on social media are often not what homeschooling really looks like.

Homeschooling is hard and messy, and often there are moments of incredible power and beauty, but it’s not like that all the time. If we expect homeschool to be perfectly ordered and joyful every day, we will likely be discouraged and eventually give up. If we expect homeschool to have some difficulty and imperfection in it every day, but we are also looking for and seeing the little triumphs and joys, we can have many perfectly imperfect homeschool days that bring us a lot of joy. You don’t have to set unrealistic expectations for yourself as a homeschool mom. You were given the children you have because of who you are. You are not going to have the same personality and strengths as others. You might not be a great crafter, but you might have a passion for good literature. You are doing more good than you know.

4. Expect and accept imperfections.

Have the expectation that, despite our best efforts, our children will have some weaknesses. No parent is perfect at everything, and we will have children that have imperfections too. Remember my 16-year-old daughter who has these beautiful standards and wisdom? Well, she also has some weaknesses and areas she might need to improve in.

You might end up having a child that always has poor handwriting, or a child that just never learned to love poetry, or isn’t very good at math. We all have weaknesses and failures, but through consistent efforts we can improve in those areas over time.

5. Expectations can change.

Remember that sometimes our expectations for a child need to change because they have certain struggles in life. For example, a child who has severe anxiety, or depression, or learning disabilities, or special needs might need to work and do things differently than children without those struggles. Relieving our children from too high of expectations for their situation can really help them and us.

Top takeaways for setting realistic expectations for your homeschool:

Be flexible! Part of the beauty of homeschooling is enjoying life along the way. Make time for family joys and struggles.
Set expectations that are reachable. Setting the bar too high will cause stress for you and your family.
It is your homeschool! Tailor your homeschool to fit your family’s needs and expectations.
Welcome imperfections. We are human and filled with strengths and weaknesses.
Expectations change with growth. As children develop, new challenges arise. Changing expectations along the way encourages growth.

Through it all, the harvest is there. When you water and nourish your children with goodness and light consistently through small, little things—day after day, month after month—you will start to see the fruits of your hard work.

Hopefully these tips have helped to encourage you and to inspire you to give yourself more mercy and grace. Next time you are feeling overwhelmed, step back, evaluate your expectations, and make changes to help alleviate your stress. The Good and the Beautiful is here to help you with as many resources as possible. Check out our free Book List and completely free grades K–8 language arts and math courses. May you be blessed in your homeschool journey.